Did I tell you about accidentally signing myself up for the FMS FBC camp? Well, if you haven't heard of that smart hooha(HOOHA!) of mine, I accidentally signed myself up for the FMCFBC camp. Come on, give me a round of applause and please don't forget a pat on the back.
For someone who detests and shuns away from cheers, meeting new people and optional camps, I landed myself in what I thought was deep shit 2 weeks ago when I went to register myself for the camp. Camps camps camp...ORIENTATION camps. I never enjoyed them. Why? Well...if you're like the awkward turtle I am, or lets say someone who hides in his/her cocoon before becoming a butterfly only after you trust the person and feel comfortable with her, then you would how I feel during these camps don't you? Feeling like the whole wide world is judging you, feeling like if you cheered loudly people will think you're AA, being afraid to let your voice be heard and socialising around with others. Maybe not in your case but definitely this was and still is what I felt about the FMSFBC camp.
Let's start from the start. How silly does that sound, but let's just begin from the starting point. Bus stop. Since I'm in the yellow tribe(leptis magna) , I had no choice but to be dressed in bright, sunny and cheery yellow. How cool is that. Confidence level drop to -100000. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the colour yellow and indeed I feel it's a happy colour (and I love the yellow song too) , but seriously? Yellow on me just makes me look like an enlarged mutated banana. And I must emphasize on the ENLARGED because almost 98% of all the girls at the camp were SKINNY or at least SLIM. I'm not even joking. I whipped up my first weapon, observation ,and to only realise how sucky a weapon that was. So from bus stop to location, with jittery feelings in me and wishing I could just run back in the car, I followed the directions to the meeting area. Walking alone didnt make it any easier coping with the anxiety in me. So you see, and I trudged my way up the hill (literally), and walk past all the female SLs, I'm like "oh wow, theyre all so slim and pretty" You tell me how? The guides already look so good, could you imagine those in the meeting area? CHIOBU i tell you all so gorgeous. Confidence level too low to even have a number.
"Go in with an open mind, with an open mind.." I kept telling myself while manoeuvring through the crowd to find my group. (lebda!) At this point I really wanted to just leave because all the skinny pretty girls were not helping with the recovery. I felt like a giant. The irony is that despite my large frame, when meeting people I just feel small and vulnerable. Despite being able to stay afloat, I feel drowned and overwhelmed. Do people ever feel this way? Like big sized people? I don't know why but I just feel that way.
...who are who are we alpha almighty we rise we kill you freaks we on ecstasy...
After all the cheering ( On a side note: I did really try my best to step out of my comfort zone to cheer), and lunch, we went on to play some games. Thumbs up to those who thought about the game theme and planned and executed it well but hey! The human bowling game, I felt like a boulder that sucks the souls of out the men pushing it away you know! I pity my teammates really, I sincerely apologise. And how I just can't associate with the opposite gender? Yep, there had to be 3 fine young MEN in my group. Awkward+feel bad+embarrassed level up by a thousand percent.
On another side note: I wish my shoulders were slightly lower and neck a little longer so I wouldnt seem to large and wide. Of course the fact that I have to lose weight is another thing.
Basically the day ended all sticky and sweaty. For the first time in foreverrrrr~(cues frozen again) I felt like I NEEDED a shower. I was bathed in perspiration and stickiness. Not as if i am not gross enough, now my whole body felt so gross. Went home, showered and all I could do was to lie on the bed and deserve to be snorlex.
Of course I made some new friends there too, which i'm definitely soo thankful for.
Oh hail the mighty day 2.
Woke up with my whole body aching. (Goes to show how unfit I am) "Must I really go?"
Yep I did. About the same routine, cheer, games,cheer JUST THAT wait for it....
*drumroll*
WE HAD MASS DANCE. Like wh-uttttt. I don't dislike dancing, it's just that I look so silly dancing and the dance steps were like for advanced dancers. Yoohoo, me over here cant even get to the beginner level, what rights do I have to try the advanced level. Some of the freshies could do it so well but I'm just like thisistoofast whatamIevendoing the whole time. I'm as stiff as I look. No doubts about that.
There was this one game that I had to be in the front to snatch the coloured 'tails' from other teams and in the end I had to battle it out with this other tall lanky netballer. I have such GOOD luck. For one, she went right through my legs to pull my 'tail' , igniting sniggers and comments insinuating some sort of ya know what. Even though the tag didnt come out of my pants, she won. Shook hands. Good game. Embarrassment for life. The photographers and audience must've had a good laugh and unglam photos of me, while I'm over here buried in my own embarrassment, bombarded by the sniggering and insinuations. But mostly, in my own embarrassment.
What can I do when I look like a tomato? Not only round and puffed, but red. SO NOT CUTE AT ALL. Never once and never will be photogenic.
While everyone were busy looking good in their selfies, I was there like
The only difference, I wasnt in a selfie. I am just so not photogenic.
Fast forward to night time where the SLs of all three tribes performed for us. They were reallllyyyy good, like woah hoo. Hot stuff. All of them danced so well like ohmygosh how do people even dance like that?! Then we had hop night which was AKA underage clubbing. (Minus the alcohol and minus the M18 stuff) Spotlights. Music. Djs. Jumping.
Look at the go crazayyyeeee.
While everyone was at the dancefloor, me over here was sitting on the floor and swinging my lightstick. #coolgirl97
About orientations,
I still feel the same.
The anxiety,nervousness and the slight excitement.
But what about orientations,
it never fails to amuse me,
is that why do I get embarrassed each time I am me?
I am still very thankful that God made this orientation an enjoyable one. Of course I've yet to be able to enjoy a camp a 100% or a 99%, but this time, I give it a 60%. :) It surely helps to go in with an open mind, but it definitely helps even more when you leave one day earlier. (Or in this case, one morning earlier) But most importantly, if not for my awesome and lovely SLs and teammates in lebda, this camp would surely be one of those camps I wished I never went. Thank you guys so so much! Even though I'm quite quiet during the camp, being with you guys have been the BEST THING EVER!!
To future camps: I will definitely face you in a different light. The next time I attend one of you I will make sure I can fit in and not stick out like a sore thumb.
Just hopefully APR is good to me and not have all those towering devil obstacles . All the best to those who are going/went for for their orientations and if you enjoyed it/enjoy camps then good for you! :D
Sad news or let's just say worrying news for me, I've yet to tell them that I can't go tomorrow. Tin foil cooking, here I come. To another camp we go again , or maybe I go again...
LEBDA!~