Cells of anxiety,
multiply and divide.
Pathogens of serenity then start to reply.
The battle is always inside.
It's been 3 years of intimacy and almost 11 years of company.
I don't want you to be lording over my time, love and thoughts. Time and time again I fail and get stuck in the same cycle because as much as my mouth confesses to the Lord, I think I really fail to place Him at the centre. God, I've sent you many many postcards and letters, and when I'm pretty lazy, I wrapped them up in thought bubbles. I hope You know that I really desperately want to place You above all else, it's just this relationship is getting in the way.
I really need Your help to let go, especially the emotional detachment. It's as if all the synapses of my brain are knotted and the strings of my heart are flailing. As much as it pains to say this, but God, I can't die right now. I really really really want to, but I'm so not ready to worship You for eternity. I mean You can kinda see me through and through and I'm pretty sure the last thing You need in heaven right now is someone like me. LOL.
Now I think I understand how death is really like an addiction. Just like any other addiction, the true brunt of the substance is more deadly than the satisfaction of the minute amount.
Stop being such a weeping loser and start praising the Lord more fervently! OMG, I'm such a loser. I bet just like 2 years (or maybe 2 days ) from now, as I read this, I'll be like " Shut up bro, you'd be the most dramatic loser on earth." Anyways, as for now I'll blame it on my small eyes that limit my vision. Or maybe it's really just my myopia that really makes me near-sighted. Whatever, life goes on.