Whoosh.. Jie, Mummy and Yiyi are up in the air and off to Japan-the land of snaffles and Tokyo bananas.
Here I am, in my bedroom, waiting for the (supposed) right time to start on GPP.
And....BAMM
All of a sudden, this feeling of longing and sadness crashes over me and I am really starting to miss my friends again. Please don't get me wrong, I'm super thankful and grateful to have my JC friends with me on this tough journey, and I couldn't have asked for a better bunch of peeps. But things haven't been going very well, and tensions arise. Little did I know that the competition was this real. I blame it on the nature of the examination, but I'm still stuck in this whirlpool. I can't seem to get the 'making new friends' thing right. I cant quite get the hang of it . It seems every time I think I can do it, it fails. I guess no one really has the patience to wait , because time, time is running out.
At times I can be slightly more myself but more often than not, I keep that part of me into my pocket for it is too dangerous out there. The people, the teachers. No one really seems to care for one another, or genuinely wish to deepen a relationship and give more than take. Me included. At times I just feel like being a social recluse. If I could bring this across any easier, no, I'm not trying to be emo or anti-social. It just gets too much you know, too much to handle. The race has begun, and everyone has moved. But here I am still wondering, is there even a prize at the end? What am I racing for?
I won't agree to say just give up and stop schooling, oh my please no no no. I'm ever so blessed to be able to study here. I just really miss being able to be myself, to freely ask and to freely learn.
I guess I finally understandd the meaning of Absence makes the heart grow fonder .
Thank you