Distractions

I thought it had stopped, or at least improved.
I thought it was just a phase and this phase was beginning to transition into another, more uncompromising phase. Oh wow, how naive.

Inhaling then becomes an addiction, and suffocating almost a habit. Night by night, day by day.

Be strong and courageous. Be strong and very courageous. The anthem of chanting, the battle cry on the battlefield;

Personal Pan Pizza

artwork by Morgan Fink Paixao

Apprehension and dread- the woozles, fill my heart as I enter into this new semester.
Perhaps it's the premonition of the imminent internship, echoeing the future of the working world. How I presume it to be full of viscious snakes and vipers, waiting to consume and grow at the mercy of the underprivileged, of the meek, of the weak. And why my apprehension, because I perceive myself to be the weak. I lack so much , so many of the attirbutes that make one 'powerful', 'successful' and 'revered'. I guess I forget how much I'm missing out on God right here in my thinking. How conceptualization eats up my soul. Wrong conceptualization. Poor visualization.

Sometimes I get so above my head, into the galaxies, and think of how much potential I have within me that I'm not tapping on. Still trying to figure out how to progress in humility, and I think it's really about acknowleging God. That there is a God. That I will lack. That I cannot be the best in everything; perfection doesn't exist. At least not in humans. To recognise that, and acknowlege it, is a process I'm still walking in. Amidst the many other journeys, paths, voyages I'm taking. For some, it's a backward motion, others, a standstill. But what's different, I would suppose, would be that I'm a little more hopeful this time (as compared to the last semester). Also, a little more fearful.

I'm going to turn 23 soon. And I haven't accomplished much. But I think I'm starting, not fully there yet, but I'm on my way to being okay with that. That there'll be just so many things I wish I could've done, thatI  wish I could proudly fill in my personal resume. But that is okay. I may never ever be able to scale Everest, but hey, not everyone was made to be a mountaineer of that caliber. Bukit Timah hill is enough of a feat for me. And to be honest, the sense of accomplishment of an experienced mountaineer who scaled Everest, may be just as much as a novice who finished the hill.
What can I say, such are very much subjective. In the eyes of the world, that who conquered Everst has achieved much more than the unknown finisher of the hill. But to the one who scaled, the same joy sits in her soul.

Wordsworth

Bartleby The gospel according to Paul

An executive who showed you can combine sustainability with profits

Mr Paul Polman argues that businesses are returning too much cash to shareholders via share buybacks and dividends, meaning they are not investing enough for the future. He believes that if you can get big fund managers, the big asset owners (pension funds and foundations) and a few high net-worth people, it might be possible to sort things out. The solutions would be to create better incentives for fund managers: judging their record over a period of 3 to 5 years rather than on the next quarter . That, in turn, allows them to back companies that have long-term investment plans.

Mr Polman was ahead of the game in realising that consumers identify with the brands that they buy.”woke capitalism”

Negotiating School Literacy

Dr Mukhlis Abu Bakar

Schools may not always be the place where everyone has an equal chance, because hidden inside are all kinds of ways in which certain kinds of social, cultural and class positions are being privileged. And literacy is one of the dominant ways of doing that. Literacy as embedded in social practice just as eating is a social practice. Children do not just acquire language and literacy skills; they learn different ways of relating to texts, different ways of being a reader and writer, through participation in social practices, and through the pursuit of social relations. 

Particular literacies are thus value over others and children are differently positioned in relation to their access to the dominant forms. This in turn affects children’s participation in classroom language activities, their curriculum experience ad their educational achievement. To address this issue, researchers have called for school literacy practices to be set within a wider context. 

Students are not inherently weak or unmotivated when they cannot cope with the demands of school. Rather, at home they have limited access to the dominant literacy while their own family literacy find little value in the classroom, Sorting them early into a low achievement track and ignoring their cultural and bilingual resources only serve to penalise their social and cultural background.

Chicken and Mushroom Puff

The OG. Nope, not the OCK Curry Puff (sorry fans).
It's the Chicken Mushroom puff.
Get it.
It's glorious.

Anyway, it's been a real long while since I've come back to this white space.
Lot's of things have changed. For the biggest part, I'd think it's that I am finally medicated (and thus of much more sanity right now).

Yep yep, not the best but getting better!!

And just gotta plug it in there, Zoelle and Ellie, you two are such lovely souls. My babies. Don't ever grow up please. The world ain't the nicest place to be, and you two are too darn adorable.

Anywho, this semester has seen really weird and unexpected situations.
I must look real bad on the daily, for someone commented on my dress when I wore that out one day.
Thank you kind soul, no one has ever been so lovely to do so.
Although I totally understand why one wouldn't because hello?
Slippers, school shorts and honestly- a very unfriendly soul.

May your kind heart be blessed.

I've lots to be thankful for this semester. Although it has yet to end, I've so much to be grateful for. (And to complain about but let's not do that here #privacy). Jo has been nothing but supportive, loving and really, being with me throughout this entire process. You're truly an angel!!

Side not, Bad things has been my earworm. I mean com'n. Machine Gun Kelly's rap (more like looks) and Camila Cabello, what could go wrong?

Technopoly

A new power is loose in the world. It is nowhere and yet it’s everywhere. It knows everything about us – our movements, our thoughts, our desires, our fears, our secrets, who our friends are, our financial status, even how well we sleep at night. We tell it things that we would not whisper to another human being. It shapes our politics, stokes our appetites, loosens our tongues, heightens our moral panics, keeps us entertained (and therefore passive). We engage with it 150 times or more every day, and with every moment of contact we add to the unfathomable wealth of its priesthood. And we worship it because we are, somehow, mesmerised by it.

 I just really love how this introduction was written. 

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/oct/29/why-we-need-a-21st-century-martin-luther-to-challenge-church-of-technology-95-theses

Better Places

Prayer
Revelation
Truth
Coffee at a cafe
Workouts
Family and friends
A good playlist
A journal
Pens and doodle
Highlighters
Conversations

Goodbye, my friend

Cells of anxiety,

multiply and divide.

Pathogens of serenity then start to reply. 

The battle is always inside.

It's been 3 years of intimacy and almost 11 years of company. 

I don't want you to be lording over my time, love and thoughts. Time and time again I fail and get stuck in the same cycle because as much as my mouth confesses to the Lord, I think I really fail to place Him at the centre. God, I've sent you many many postcards and letters, and when I'm pretty lazy, I wrapped them up in thought bubbles. I hope You know that I really desperately want to place You above all else, it's just this relationship is getting in the way.

I really need Your help to let go, especially the emotional detachment. It's as if all the synapses of my brain are knotted and the strings of my heart are flailing. As much as it pains to say this, but God, I can't die right now. I really really really want to, but I'm so not ready to worship You for eternity. I mean You can kinda see me through and through and I'm pretty sure the last thing You need in heaven right now is someone like me. LOL. 

Now I think I understand how death is really like an addiction. Just like any other addiction, the true brunt of the substance is more deadly than the satisfaction of the minute amount. 

Stop being such a weeping loser and start praising the Lord more fervently! OMG, I'm such a loser. I bet just like 2 years (or maybe 2 days ) from now, as I read this, I'll be like " Shut up bro, you'd be the most dramatic loser on earth." Anyways, as for now I'll blame it on my small eyes that limit my vision. Or maybe it's really just my myopia that really makes me near-sighted. Whatever, life goes on.